


Not This Time

by MarvelHRE



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni, Be more chill the musical - Fandom
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, M/M, Sad Jeremy Heere, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 10:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19249672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelHRE/pseuds/MarvelHRE
Summary: Jeremy atones for his mistakes but It's already too late. And he has to suffer alone.





	Not This Time

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if i should make a second part or a second chapter to this. This was written 2 years ago. When I was 15, i just want to post it on here to be done with it. 
> 
>  
> 
> Should I leave jeremy an angsty mess? Its up to you :'))
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I did not edit anything haha, its gonna be so shitty considering that it was 2 years ago 😂

Jeremy Heere is just your average awkward kid who likes video games and other nerdy stuff he can get his hands on.

But not anymore.

Not after The SQUIP incident.

After that, guilt ate his entire being. Leaving his best friend for a girl who only lasted for a month. Fighting with his dad. Used Brooke and Chloe to "Gain" experience. Gah he was so horrible and michael--

Michael, oh god, Michael took most of the hit. When he learned that Michael had a panic attack at Jake's bathroom, he-he just lost it. He clutched and cried on Michael's shoulder for hours, begging for forgiveness. The thing that hurt Jeremy the most was when Michael did not forgive him at all. He just smiled apologetically and shook his head. Jeremy only nodded and cried harder.

Since then, he knew.

Michael hated him.

And that scene was about a month ago, and it was still embedded in his mind. Taunting him.

Sometimes that scene is what wakes him up at night. And he'd start crying until early in the morning. And he just want everything to stop.

It was time for school again and honestly, he just wants to stay in bed and wish for it to swallow him whole. He really doesn't want to see anyone right now, especially Michael. He might start bawling in the middle of the cafeteria and embarrass himself.

But as he turned over to go back to sleep, his bedroom door slams open and reveals his dad in a suit, with pants of course.

"Jeremy! I'm off to work and you need to get up now if your planning on going to school" he said while fixing his tie.

He's a changed man and dad now trying to be responsible for the both of them, and Jeremy's happy that his dad's trying.

"Do i have to?" he groaned but stood up. He fixed his dad's tie for him which earned him a smile, he smiled back and patted the tie when he finished.

"Yes, and I'm not going to accept a no" He said and kissed his son's head "Now i gotta go, i left some money on top of the fridge for dinner. I'll be back before 10, be good son" he left and Jeremy feels empty.

He was wearing his old striped tee and his cardigan. He flinched when he saw himself on his mirror. This is what he looked like before he was ordered to wear an Eminem shirt and started prancing around being a cool guy.

He looked up and couldnt help but be disgusted by what he saw. He was still ugly as the day he was born. He completely forgot that he was not attractive at all, having a squip did that to you.

And his stomach churned when he remembered michael, always michael. While the squip was telling him what to do, he realized things about himself too. That he was bi. It was hard to ignore when the squip kept reminding him that he was disgusting and terrible. And he was disgusting and terrible for thinking about michael as a possible partner, romantically.

And with the squip gone, those traitorous thoughts were coming back one by one. It starts with how michael is so kind, michael is so handsome, how michael's hair must be soft, how michael is so gentle, michael is funny, michael is, how michael is, michael is so.

And jeremy's eyes tear up.

_What is he thinking._

_Michael will never like him back, because of the_ _**Terrible** _ _things he did._

_**'**_ _ **Jeremy**_ _ **'**_ jeremy snaps out of it and grits his teeth "Shut up", he huffed out and turned away from the mirror, grabbed his bag and headed out.

Once he was out the door, he expected not to see Michael's PT Cruiser and he was not disappointed. He really wasn't there.

What was Jeremy thinking? that after everything, that after apologising. Everything would be back to normal?

"No" he looked down at his feet and tried to blink away his tears. "O-ofcourse not.." he rubbed his eyes and started walking to his school with heavy feet and a heavy heart.

***

School was the same, but with more eyes on him. Ofcourse, after what he did. Everyone's bound to hate him, and he sighed heavily under the scrutinising gazes. He just have to suck it up.

His classes was boring, and he cant help but wish that he hadnt attended school at all. His classes with michael was an emotional roller coaster. Cos it seems like michael's purposely avoiding him. Which was understandable, but it hurt nonetheless.

He doesnt return jeremy's awkward smiles, he would cut off their conversation rather quickly with a tight lipped smile obviously forced and would speed walk out of the room once the bell rings.

And all Jeremy can do is clutch his chest and watch him walk away. He was right.

Michael hates him after all.

Everyone hates him, no one talked to him. Everyone avoided him. And jeremy just wants to curl up and bawl his eyes out somewhere private. Somewhere no one can here his anguished cries. Where no one can see how much he's hurt. Cos they wouldnt care after all. Michael wouldnt care.

And once his back in the confines of his own home with his dad still not home. All he did was sit on his bed and cover his face with his thin hands.

_**'Look**_ _ **at what you did**_ _ **jeremy**_ _ **'**_ jeremy flinched but did not uncover his eyes. "Shut up" he whispered tiredly, not really wanting to deal with this. He knew that there are still remnants left of the squip. He just didnt tell anyone, didnt tell michael. Cos he wouldnt help the second time.

' _ **That's**_ _ **because**_ _ **michael**_ _ **hates you**_ _ **jeremy**_ _ **'**_

"I know" he whispered, resigned.

_**'Its** _ _**because your so** _ _**terrible'** _

"I know"

_**'Its** _ _**because you make** _ _**michael** _ _**wanna** _ _**die'** _

I"I-i know" he croaked out letting a few tears slip by.

_**'Why** _ _**dont** _ _**you just end it then?'** _

Oh.

' ** _Why_** ** _dont_** ** _you just end yourself?'_**

He can, cant he?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading !


End file.
